Undebatably Good Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars
A recipe designed to bring you comfort while you watch tomorrow's presidential debate
Today’s recipe is full of comforting amounts of chocolate and can be made in 10 minutes or less, which can mean only one thing: We have reached presidential election debate season again.
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For those of you who have been with me on Substack since the beginning, you know that I’ve created different ways of self-soothing before presidential debates and election nights. The candidates do their debate prep. I do mine.
I once made a cocktail called the Blue Wave.
In 2020, I shared a recipe on my blog (Blogs! Remember ‘em?) for bourbon chocolate chip cookies to accompany one of the debates. Indeed, that year I offered an entire chocolate chip cookie countdown to the Election of 2020. As I explained then, it was “…inspired by my own deep-seated Election Day anxieties, a love of warm cookies and this quote from Ghostbusters: ‘I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never-ever possibly destroy us.’”
As I pondered what to make for Thursday’s debate, gooey and nuts came to mind. I decided on a chewy, chocolate chip cookie bar. A glorified blonde brownie, if you will. Bar cookies, because I didn’t want to fuss with portioning out dough. Why make things more difficult than need be?
While my big brother, David will be typing up wise essays and commentary filled with important insights as he views the debates, I will spend my night making guttural sounds in front of the TV.
Because I am a bad person, I used to revel in watching Trump speak extemporaneously. I found it satisfying to see him make a mistake. But I am older, wiser and more bitter now, and the idea of him with nary a cue card or teleprompter in sight puts me on edge. I am fed up with his ability to spread lies, toss his word salads at the press and populace, incite crime and barely get taken to task for it. In a normal situation, Trump would’ve been 86ed when we learned he said “grab ‘em by the p***y,” but then again, you would’ve expected our country to react to the Newtown, CT massacre by putting limits on assault rifles.
No matter how many positive things Biden and his crew have done during his time in office, I can’t say I’m best pleased that President Biden’s often folksy way of engaging can make him seem older than he is, nor do I think his repetition of stories and gentle persona serve him well with the younger crowd. Those of us who’ve followed him for years understand his steady, thoughtful approach. We see his many successes as president. We’ve just gotta hope Gen Z-ers love and revere their grandparents. And that Biden appears, as the New Republic described him after his zesty State of the Union appearance, “sufficiently vigorous.”
It should matter to us more whether a presidential candidate believes in democracy than if they can land some zingers at the expense of their opponent. Alas, a look over the past 50 years of debates proves otherwise. The Associated Press’ round-up of historical debate gaffes and triumphs, is a worthwhile look at how an askew comment or two can impact an election.
Ipso Facto: I would like some warm chocolate chip cookie bars.
A Q. and A. on the Making of Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars
Q: Why do you add corn starch? That seems weird.
A: Just a small amount of corn starch helps keep cookies soft and tender and prevents spread. If you were to refrigerate this dough for 8 hours, then scoop golf-ball sized amounts of dough onto a cookie sheet the result, thanks in part to the corn starch, would be a thick, crumbly, and gooey cookie.
Q: Wait, did you just say I can make these into cookies instead of bars?
A: Yes, indeed I did. The result will be a craggy, thick and gooey cookie. It’s important to refrigerate the dough beforehand, for at least 8 hours, and up to 3 days. Scoop golf-ball sized amounts of dough onto a parchment-lined baking sheet and bake for 12 to 18 minutes until light golden. If you attempt to take one off the sheet pan and they fall apart, they are undercooked and need a few more minutes in the oven.
Q: Am I reading the recipe right? Did you ask for a whole egg and an egg yolk?
A: Yes, and not just because Bosco wants the extra egg white sauteed up for himself. The extra yolk, along with the corn starch and the brown sugar, helps keep the cookies soft.
Q: Almond flour? Honey roasted peanuts? I don’t have almond flour or honey roasted nuts at home, and anyway, I’m making them for a crowd of people who might be allergic to nuts.
A: I use almond flour for tenderness and to boost the nutrition of the cookie bars. You don’t need to! Use only all-purpose flour, or whole-wheat flour. You’ll still achieve delectable results. As for peanuts: add ‘em or don’t. While I love the salty-sweet crunch, you can exchange it for another nut or leave them out entirely.
Q: You really should tell me whether to use light or dark brown sugar.
A: I usually do…but in this recipe it really doesn’t matter. Dark brown sugar will create a deeper molasses taste; light brown will let the large amount of vanilla extract shine through more.
Q: If I make these, do I have to watch the debate?
A: Goodness, no. I myself am a little worried watching the debate live may not be good for my mental state, so I may just follow in real time on Threads.
You know, if this is a too much work, I recommend last week’s recipe of lime popsicles in Mezcal.
Undebatably Gooey Chocolate Chip Bars
Makes 1 9”-pan of cookie bars, either 1 very large serving, or 36 1.5” pieces.
What You’ll Need:
1 cup (96 grams) almond flour
1 1/4 cups (150 grams) all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking SODA
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (1/2 teaspoon regular table or sea salt)
12 tablespoons (170 grams) butter, melted
1 cup (200 grams) brown sugar, packed
1/4 cup (50 grams) white sugar
1 large egg
1 egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 generous cup (a generous 180 grams) semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup honey roasted peanuts (if using)
What You’ll Do:
Heat the oven to 350°F. Grease a 9 x 9” square baking pan. Line the pan with foil or parchment, so it hangs over the sides like a sling.
In a small bowl, whisk together the flours, cornstarch, baking soda and salt
If you haven’t already, melt the butter in the microwave, or over low heat on the stove.
In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter with the brown and white sugars until it is the color of rich caramel, and no longer looks greasy.
Add the egg and egg yolk, and whisk until combined, then add the vanilla extract.
Fold in the flour mixture until no dry pockets remain. Then, yes, you guessed it, fold in the chocolate chips and peanuts (if using).
Spread the mixture evenly in the pan and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until golden and a toothpick stuck in the middle comes out clean.
Let cool. Best if eaten.
Do you plan to watch the debate? Would you rather talk about something else? Like, what’s your favorite summer flower, or do you think an egg, bacon and cheese sandwich should be allowed to be served on a cinnamon-raisin bagel?
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Reading your comments re: DJT was icing on the choc chip bar recipe for me and supported my decision to subscribe. I have found my flock. I renewed my US passport recently but have lived in Australia for over 40 years and it is a mystery to me how the political choice in the US has come to this. It makes me sad, am hoping the choc chip bars will help. 🙏🏼🫣
Hydrangeas. Yes, I'm going to watch the debate even though I haven't watched or listened to Trump in a while because: a) he's trying to destroy the country; b) he's mean and full of hate just because; and c) he's total chaos, can't speak in sentences, and I can't tolerate it. A bacon, egg and cheese sandwich can, and should, be served on whatever type of bread, bagel, roll, biscuit, English muffin or pancake you want. Life's too short to quibble.