Healthy Cake (Not an Oxymoron)

Also: Boy George Meets Marissa and Shares His Secret to Life

“I wouldn’t know it was healthy. I mean that in a good way.”

—Husband

This is me.

I couldn’t stop jabbering long enough to pose.

Me with George Alan O’Dowd, aka Boy George.

Last night, encouraged by my friend Joy, I became one of the people who hang at stage doors. We’d seen the sumptuous, frothy musical Moulin Rouge, which until Sunday stars Boy George of Culture Club fame. As soon as the lights went up at the end of the show, Joy dragged my tush from seat M24, and out the door to the barricades by the stage door.

At the Al Hirschfeld theater, our seats, M24 and M26, are closest to the stage door. Sure, the view of the stage is mostly obscured and I missed anything that happened on stage left. Also, to the blonde head in front of me who, if it was you sitting in seat L22 and you are reading this Substack, there is no need to fluff your hair throughout the show. No one can see you. Except me. And you’re all I saw.

(Please click the heart-shaped like button above to ensure you will always have a clear view of the stage, any stage, always.)

But I digress. I took my place at the metal barricade, and as soon as Boy George appeared, a French woman with much sharper elbows than mine pushed me out of the way to get at him. Tant pis. No picture or autograph for me, and I was okay with that. As much as I liked Culture Club and Boy George, I wasn’t like the true fanatics who brought dolls (!), leopard-print hats (?!) and albums for him to sign, all the while squealing how their 15-year-old self would’ve passed out to see themselves now.

But Joy, a TV producer and go-getter of the highest order, pushed me towards George’s limo and insisted I get a photo with him, so I followed her dutifully. And just before he got into his waiting limo, he looked around and asked if he’d missed anyone. “Me!” said I, and over came BG for a cuddle and a photo op. I quick went into interview mode and asked what the secret to his fabulous self was? “A sense of humor,” was the immediate response. We giggled together and he went on.

“I’m going to go down a rabbit hole no matter which mood I choose, whether it’s anger or happiness. I realized happiness is a much better place to be.”

And as he walked to his car, he threw back one final important life tip.

“The other secret? It’s grass-fed butter!!”

DAMN RIGHT.

So, now, obviously, Boy George and I are soulmates. He was, I am pleased to say, utterly adorable.

There is some video of the moment (thanks, Joy!), which I’ll share later, if you’re interested.

Ironically, this week’s cake contains absolutely no butter whatsoever.

You see, my guest on this week’s Secret Life of Cookies podcast, is the host of the HIIT’n 50 fitness and wellness podcast and substack, Chris Cotnoir. He requested a healthy pre-workout snack. Instead of one of those brown, sticky, round protein balls that look like barnyard refuse and touted by the barbell-brained, I went for cake. This should surprise no one.

Some may set fitness goals. I set cake goals. I set out to make a protein- and nutrient-rich cake that didn’t contain any funky ingredients, which meant no protein powder, no stevia, just the kind of foods you might find in your pantry. And with the exception of ground flax seed, I think I achieved that. Well, almond flour/meal, too. Although those of you who’ve been making my recipes for a while probably have almond flour by now. And if not, everywhere from Wal-Mart to Costco to your local grocer sell it (Check the Bob’s Red Mill section).

The resulting cake is tender, moist and full of flavor. It truly takes mere minutes to throw together. And although it’s packed with protein, healthy carbs, good fats and generous amounts of trace minerals like manganese, it eats like a hearty English teatime cake. Whether you want a healthy pre-workout energy boost, or just a nice piece of cake with a cuppa, this recipe is it.

And yes, Boy George, it would taste delicious spread with grass-fed butter.

Healthy Cake

What You’ll Need:

3/4 cup (85 grams) whole wheat flour

1 cup (100 grams) almond meal

3 tablespoons ground flax seed

1 cup (160 grams) dark chocolate chips

1/4 cup (30 grams) pumpkin seeds (or any add-ins of your choice)

3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (I use Diamond)

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 cup (70 grams) plain Greek or Icelandic yogurt (I used Siggi’s whole milk Icelandic)

1/3 cup (104 grams) real maple syrup

1/2 cup (125 grams) apple sauce

What You’ll Do:

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9” round or square cake pan and line the bottom with parchment paper.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together all the dry ingredients from whole wheat flour to baking soda.

3. In a medium bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients: egg, vanilla, yogurt, maple syrup and apple sauce.

4. Fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until just blended. Do not over-mix or you will have a bouncy, bouncy cake. Only Tigger likes bouncy, bouncy cake.

5. Pour the ingredients into the prepared pan, smooth the top and bake for 25 to 30 minutes. The top should be golden brown and spring back when touched.

6. Let cool 5 minutes in pan, then decant onto a cooling rack. It’s at its best when slightly warm, but will feed you happily before/after each workout for the week. Refrigerate if storing longer than 2 days.

I decided to try being a grown-up picture taker, so I got a light box. It took 4 minutes for Clyde to discover it.

Have you met your fave musicians or actors from when you were a teenager? Did they meet/exceed expectations or was it utterly underwhelming? Let us know in the comments.

And Now the Part Where I Beg Like a Dog:

This substack is a reader-supported publication. I cannot do it without you. If you’re able, paying for a subscription helps pay for the groceries necessary for recipe-testing and recipe development. Also, it supports me—a freelance writer—and ad-free journalism.

The pay scale for journalists and writers has not kept up with the cost of living. That’s why having a substack newsletter has become such a terrific venue for so many writers. Best of all, it puts me, Bosco, Calvin and Clyde in touch with our readers like never before. And: Now Bosco has expensive rotisserie chicken habits.

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Marissa Rothkopf-Bakes: The Secret Life of Cookies is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.